Where’s The F@#king Handbook?
If I had a nickel for every time I said or thought that! If only upon the delivery of my son, out popped a handbook.
The other day while talking to him on the phone, he told me that he sees himself and his life as an exclamation point….. I’LL SAY! I replied that I am pretty sure I am a question mark, and I asked my younger son what punctuation mark he viewed himself as. He said that he was undoubtedly a comma.
My younger son does NOT have learning issues. But he does have stomach issues, and my eldest has admitted that he is pretty sure that he caused these issues and has probably screwed a lot of things up for his little brother…..for which he has said he is sorry……the boys talk….they are now good friends.
There was a time when they couldn’t be on the same floor. At night I would be upstairs with one and my husband would be downstairs with the other. My husband and I couldn’t go anywhere because various issues made my older son just plain miserable and therefore MEAN.
My husband traveled constantly and I was often on my own……..yep……I was living the dream!
In retrospect, I don’t know how I did it……I think that if you trust your gut or your inner “handbook,” you figure out how to handle things … even though to outsiders it can look utterly absurd.
One thing I DO know is that my boys would NOT be close if I had NOT kept them separated…
Just read this to my younger son, and he agreed … and added that he would be DEAD…..either that, or he would’ve figured out a way to poison his brother.
…..that, from my comma. 🙂
Just want to say how grateful I am to have come across your blog. Words cannot even express how much I need this kind of support right now as I am literally in the thick of it and it can really take some ugly turns. I have two kids, one with learning issues and anxiety and another with Aspergers and moderate to severe OCD. Yup, got my hands full. Thank God I didn’t go for that third kid! The last part of this post really hit home regarding how your kids are now friends in part because you didn’t force brotherly love and togetherness when things were at their most heated. I have never pushed mine together when they naturally step back from each other because I have witnessed firsthand what happens when a parent tries to shove one sibling with issues down another’s throat in the name of family guilt. Not Good!
We are so glad that it’s helpful and supportive to you!!! You really are dealing with some big challenges with your kids … just know that we are not the only ones out there who “get it” … there are lots of us out there, I know …. and we’re hoping that the more we write, the more we can keep bringing things to light (while throwing our warped sense of humor at it, too!) and letting others know they are not alone. As we keep saying, this is the blog that we wish we had had when our kids were little … not that there WERE blogs, when our kids were little, actually! …. And as much as things are a lot better now, there are still difficult days … and today happened to be one of them (let’s just say I could have handled something much better with my son, and we are now both exhausted, and I’m going out to get Popeye’s for dinner ………) …. so trust me, YOUR words are a huge support and encouragement to us, too!
OMG THANK YOU! If you only knew how much flak I took about the boys from friends, parents etc…. Testosterone was a huge player in all of that and it was out of control. The only way to manage it was to clear the room of my little one and do damage control where I could!
You DO have your hands full! I feel compelled to tell you to do something really nice for yourself today…..something just for you!
Thank you for this. When my son was little, I could scrape him off the floor and carry him out of wherever we were if necessary or do the basket hold technique that his therapist recommended. Ah, sweet nostalgia. Now at nearly 15 years old, I wouldn’t have a shot in hell of containing him if necessary nor would I want to. We have been lucky so far and hopefully will continue to be (fingers crossed).
It’s funny that now my kids are grown I long for just 5 minutes of holding them as babies…..to smell their sweet baby heads…..
I hope you are both doing this for a long time to come. I, for one, will always tune in. Ironically, it was while doing an internet search for a new therapist for my son that I came across an advertisement for your video (I laughed and cried watching with a huge sense of relief). I next watched Its Not About the Nail and couldnt stop laughing. I made my husband watch and even he cracked up though he usually gets annoyed whenever I ask him to “check this out.” Not too long ago I asked the LC at my daughter’s tutoring center where all the other parents like me were hiding? She gave me a funny look so I said, “I’m seriously asking where they are?” She didn’t know what to say, poor woman, so I backed off.
HB ~ A good number of us are in hiding by home schooling our kids, that’s why the learning coaches don’t see us… (I say that but now I have mine in a district high school, wish us luck)
Good luck, Becky!
My son went to a little private school and transitioned to a big public middle school. The biggest issue for him was not realizing what the rules in school are. He was used to a more free environment so he broke a lot of simple rules…..got attention for it and went on to break bigger rules….
It depends on the kid. Maybe start having conversations about whatever you think might be a dicey area at home and with the school…..
HOME SCHOOLING!!!! WOW!
It never occurred to me the number if parents around here who homeschool their kids? Mine is also starting his first year of district HS. Feel like I swallowed a basketball just thinking about it. I do wish you the best. I hope it is a great experience for your child.
Maybe there needs to be a little support group for parents with kids who are transitioning into public school….just a thought…
I know I could’ve used one
Becky, I salute you for home schooling, for however long you did it! As I said in our original post (about the fake, unused titles of this blog!)… “If I ever tried home schooling my child, there would be nothing left but claws and fluff ….” …..And I meant it …. even though I later became a teacher! For us — i.e., me, my kid, his issues, and my own stress/anxiety/ADD/Gemini-ness/lack of structure, I don’t think it would have worked. But yes, I can definitely see why home schooling would be a great option for many.
Good luck in the high school! Does he have an IEP? I found that having an IEP didn’t necessarily help so much in terms of modifications, but there were times when it really gave me some leverage when I needed it.
I also know I would never have what it takes to home school. I am not built with a whole lot of patience and really have to work hard to have any at all. I figured that a lot of us are so inundated with the day to day that we fall under the radar. We also aren’t typically the ones publicly posturing our kids at the usual venues. I am just surprised that there would be a significant number of parents homeschooling their kids in this area. That would explain a lot.
BTW, I am all for a support group about navigating mainstream ed. It is literally a crapshoot around every turn and its true that though the IEP is a very necessary tool, it doesn’t mean that a child’s every need will be met or able to be met by their school.
AMEN! There is a lot of social innuendo and there are good teachers and some….not so much. The environment is chaotic and the stress of having to navigate from class to class could be kind of shocking for a new kid. We had a “stealth aide” in place. My son didn’t know about him but, he tailed him and made sure he didn’t get too distracted on the way to class….also made sure he had the right books etc.
Sometimes teachers don’t even look at IEP’s…..so communicate with teachers at the start….and I recommend a light hearted approach when emailing…..
Re. the IEP and the schools … I can offer a perspective as both a public school teacher and a parent of a kid with issues (some diagnosable and therefore IEP-able, and some not) … I agree that the IEP doesn’t mean that every need will be met or even can be met by the school. But I would say most, if not all, teachers definitely do look at the IEPs … but they do get more lost in the shuffle as you move from elementary up to high school ….. in public high schools, for example, most teachers have at least 125 students, and so they are juggling a lot. That’s not an excuse (trust me – I held at least one high school teacher accountable for not following an IEP), but it is a reality. The benefit, to me, of having an IEP was exactly that, though – the fact that I could hold someone accountable for following it, when an issue came up. Also, we were able to have someone help take notes in class, which was a big help. But really, the most helpful thing was the fact that some teachers really “got” my son. And that was worth more than any IEP.