There’s Always A Critic!
I am the last person on earth to claim that I am a stellar mom. Quite the contrary. I have made mistakes left and right but, the one constant is that I love my children and through all our ups and downs they truly know that.
So many of you have expressed gratitude for our frankness because somehow we have touched a nerve and are talking about things that we were afraid to share as young mothers. I desperately wanted to look like I had it together, and marveled at other mothers who did. I even bought into thinking that if I had the right Tupperware or the right snacks, I could give myself the illusion that I fit into the “moms who have it together” club.
I was always asking advice, and what I found was that I had a unique situation. Sometimes it isn’t just one thing. Sometimes it’s a combination of a lot of things, and in my case, the balance was often tipped. Believe me, I wish it were not so, but what’s the use in wishing. The best I could and can do is be grateful.
And in truth, with all my shortcomings, I tried my best.
And so many of you have responded so positively. Here is an example of one comment we’ve gotten:
“Just want to say how grateful I am to have come across your blog. Words cannot even express how much I need this kind of support right now, as I am literally in the thick of it, and it can really take some ugly turns.”
We know what we’re doing is helping people.
However … I recently received some really snarky comments on my blog post about Homework. My initial reaction was to be snarky back … but, the truth is, there is truth in what my critic had to say. The difference was, her tone was really uncool.
Trust me, I have been criticized before. I can take it. That’s a major reason why Ruth and I started this blog. How many times have you been a part of a conversation and someone was remarking on how screwy some kid is. The immediate response is, “Have you met the mother?”
I AM THAT MOTHER!
I haven’t known what to do with this blog comment. Should I approve? Should I trash?
I did what I usually do with something I don’t want to deal with, like a pile of papers that’s randomly sitting in a corner waiting to be sorted through. I let it sit.
So finally, I’ll share it with you. In my original post, I confessed to helping my son with his homework more than some people (clearly!) think I should have …. and I got caught! I know it’s not a great thing, but it’s what got us through. And perhaps I was unclear in my post about the long battles that ensued every single day. It was a nightmare for both my son and for me. It was unfair to my younger child. My husband traveled 50% of the year and dammit, I was tired.
Here’s the comment…….
Kaylee commented on HOMEWORK
“Holy justification for doing your child’s homework Batman! And setting a really, really bad precedent!
People who get rescued all the time (by mommy!) tends to forget that actions have consequences. Or never ever learn that actions have consequences!
An elementary schoolers natural consequences for not doing homework? Bad grades. Why not let the kid get a bad grade? Their poor little ego can’t take it? Mommy can’t handle the shame of it?”
For the record, my kid got horrendous grades and I was not ashamed. My poor little ego was just fine with it.
There was another shaming comment about school refusal and my allowing it. Maybe I did allow some of it and maybe I should have cracked the whip harder around homework. Maybe I should have done a lot of things.
Worlds Best Mom? NOT!
At the end of the day I am completely at peace with where we have ended up. And I am proud to boot.