“F” STANDS FOR…….
First grade. First report card. You’re 6 years old and you get pretty much straight “F’s.” It’s weird. You seem to know a lot of what’s NOT important for first graders. You can pretty much name every dinosaur, the era that it lived in, its size and weight and whether it was a carnivore or an herbivore. But, apparently that’s not good because you can’t hold a pencil and you find letters and numbers confusing and boring and no amount of Oreo’s promised by your mother is going to make you learn them.
School had such a good rap and you thought it was going to be fun. Everyone talked it up like it was awesome. But you don’t like it and you find it chaotic and tedious all at once. The school day feels ridiculously long especially lunch. You never eat because the little boy who sits next to you always brings yogurt that grosses you out and you have a very strong gag reflex.
Your mother now arrives with food at the end of the school day and because you are so hungry you act out. You either cry for no reason or you are mean to your little brother or you hyper focus on the one boy you really really want a playdate with only to see he has a playdate with another little boy.
You get home and upon reviewing your report card your mother flies into a rage at how stupid it is and then back peddles and tells you how much she loves you and that you are her best boy and you are smart. You now feel like you have to make your mother feel “ok” but all you really want to do is watch T.V. and play with your Jurrassic Park action figures.
The next morning your mother is in a “mood.” Your dad is away in Japan and it is “opposite” time there. You really miss him a lot but it also means your mom is so tired she lets everybody sleep in her bed.
Your mom keeps forcing breakfast and acts way too cheery and positive. You don’t like it. It’s annoying so you take your little brother’s stuffed animal and make him cry.
The annoying kid from next door shows up because your mom drives him to school every day. The kid is obviously really into report cards and the letters on them because he goes on and on about the letter A. You don’t even know what it looks like and you don’t really care. You find the garbage truck in front of your mom’s car far more interesting and you wonder what it would be like to ride on the back like the garbage men do.
As the kid keeps yapping about “A’s” you notice your mom is getting annoyed and keeps trying to change the subject.
You get to school and as usual you don’t want to go but, your mom seems kind of crazy. Even though she is in her pajamas she heads to the principal’s office with your little brother on her hip. She looks sweaty and mad.
Another long day in first grade goes by. When your mom picks you up your little brother isn’t with her. He is with your Grandma. You two go to Starbucks and it is there that your mom tells you that “F” stands for Fantastic.
Please never stop sharing your stories.
F stands for what F*#%ing school would allow a 6 YEAR OLD to have F’s on a report card? That is such a crime! Love that you took them on in your pajamas, Martha. You are F’in awesome.
Hi Barbara! I can tell you that I felt like a total fish out of water….the school initially responded like I was nuts but, eventually they understood and made some changes 🙂
Love this! Love it in even better NOT in first person but “something else” — whatever this is. And boy, can I relate. I homeschooled my 17yo daughter with moderate cerebral palsy for three years. Talk about sticker shock seeing her first Progress Report (mid-quarter grades) two weeks ago. So frustrating. Aha! “F” is also for “frustrating” for us moms! Thanks for sharing!
I know exactly what you mean! A progress report should be a measure of PROGRESS! We all know where the problem areas are and quantifying them can feel so limiting and final.
I recently found this blog and I cannot even tell you how much I need this! My son is 11 and just started middle school this year and has been struggling in school since kindergarten. He has ADD with executive function disorder and a bit of anxiety with the academics. We have th IEP and all that. Fortunately we haven’t had any behavior issues–but I fear that may be coming as he gets older. Overall the whole situation sucks huge and we’re just all doing the best we can. Your blog is a GODSEND and I have devoured every post since I found it a few days ago. I can relate to it all. The video—OMG!! My life right there! A gazillion thanks for this blog. I honestly anxiously wait for each new post!
Oh JoAnn! I can so relate! My son was new to the middle school. We had the behavior issues in spades!!!!! My phone rang off the hook and each time I broke into a cold sweat….emails galore! That being said behavior issues may not be in YOUR future……there is no telling! Just know that whatever comes your way you ARE prepared for. You have been in kid issues boot camp since kindergarten for crying out loud! Those muscles are strong! You’ve GOT THIS!
This is a great story!
He sounds just like Calvin who, as you know, is the smartest boy in the world for his age (also 6)!!
Has anyone analyzed how Calvin might be diagnosed? 🙂 I guess ADHD? I wonder about other famous characters! Hmmmmm … Thanks for a great blog post idea!