First grade.  First report card. You’re 6 years old and you get pretty much straight “F’s.”  It’s weird.  You seem to know a lot of what’s NOT important for first graders.  You can pretty much name every dinosaur, the era that it lived in, its size and weight and whether it was a carnivore or an herbivore.   But,  apparently that’s not good because you can’t hold a pencil and you find letters and numbers confusing and boring and no amount of Oreo’s promised by your mother is going to make you learn them.


School had such a good rap and you thought it was going to be fun.  Everyone talked it up like it was awesome.  But you don’t like it and you find it chaotic and tedious all at once.  The school day feels ridiculously long especially lunch.  You never eat because the little boy who sits next to you always brings yogurt that grosses you out and you have a very strong gag reflex.

Your mother now arrives with food at the end of the school day and because you are so hungry you act out.  You either cry for no reason or you are mean to your little brother or you hyper focus on the one boy you really really want a playdate with only to see he has a playdate with another little boy.

You get home and upon reviewing your report card your mother flies into a rage at how stupid it is and then back peddles and tells you how much she loves you and that you are her best boy and you are smart.   You now feel like you have to make your mother feel “ok” but all you really want to do is watch T.V. and play with your Jurrassic Park action figures.

The next morning your mother is in a “mood.”  Your dad is away in Japan and it is “opposite” time there.  You really miss him a lot but it also means your mom is so tired she lets everybody sleep in her bed.

Your mom keeps forcing breakfast and acts way too cheery and positive.  You don’t like it.  It’s annoying so you take your little brother’s stuffed animal and make him cry.

The annoying kid from next door shows up because your mom drives him to school every day.  The kid is obviously really into report cards and the letters on them because he goes on and on about the letter A.  You don’t even know what it looks like and you don’t really care.  You find the garbage truck in front of your mom’s car far more interesting and you wonder what it would be like to ride on the back like the garbage men do.


As the kid keeps yapping about “A’s” you notice your mom is getting annoyed and keeps trying to change the subject.


You get to school and as usual you don’t want to go but, your mom seems kind of crazy.  Even though she is in her pajamas she heads to the principal’s office with your little brother on her hip.  She looks sweaty and mad.

Another long day in first grade goes by.  When your mom picks you up your little brother isn’t with her.  He is with your Grandma.  You two go to Starbucks and it is there that your mom tells you that “F” stands for Fantastic.