I have often felt that my school morning life was like the movie Groundhog Day where Bill Murray keeps living the same day over and over and over…….
Drive #1 son (pray he gets out of the car); talk about dog
cry on way home to get #2 son
Drive #2 son (pretend that everything is perfect and talk about Yankees)
Pick #1 son up for lunch, a necessary evil (anxiously ask about school, but pretend to be positive)
Drive #1 son back to school (fingers crossed)
Breathe a sense of relief if he makes it……
If he doesn’t make it……
cry and look up unaffordable private schools
Pick #2 son up from school………ask about school, but get very little information
Pick # 1 son up from school……..blab my way all the way home out of anxiety
AND IT STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN THE NEXT MORNING!
The ride to school was always tricky. I was very careful about managing my anxiety on that drive. I’m sure I wasn’t fooling anyone, especially my kids.
Many of you are in this boat. There gets to be a point when you might be driving to 3 different schools in one morning. Yep! Carpooling would have been awesome, but it was anxiety provoking…….I couldn’t mess with the “system.”
Switching gears between the boys, coupled with high anxiety, made me feel like a split personality.
My first drive – IF my #1 son actually made it downstairs – consisted of me chirping about whatever the current interest was, but my “go to” was usually a story about something funny our dog did……..
My #2 son didn’t have to get to school until after his brother and THAT car ride conversation was completely different. I chirped about anything specific to him….. usually the Yankees or what we thought our crossing guards did on their free time and if they were competitive for certain cross walks……
At a certain point I’m not really sure if I can tell you how much of the anxiety was just mine!
I was treading water and I didn’t even know how tired I was until I stopped!
So much of my life has been wrapped up in my boys, for which I have definitely taken criticism … although I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. As they are older and pretty much blow me off, I find myself embarking on a new chapter, and this blog is a part of it. It’s been a process of putting my brain back together, finding my own thoughts and not hearing someone else’s voice in my head…….or bearing someone else’s anxiety.
It’s as if I have been holding my breath for a very long time, and I have just come up for air…..